Part 1 – Sexual Relationships And Partners
“It’s beautiful!” Acne. How dare some people (girlfriends/mothers beware!) call it this way just to make us feel good? After all the damage it has caused to our social and sexual relationships. I am sure you have experienced this first hand. But have you ever wondered, how bad acne is for your social life? I mean seriously, think about it. Is it as bad as having a deep wound or scar or is it worse than that?
Or is it just you? the only person who thinks that acne is affecting your social life? After all, people still sent you invitations to parties and friends seem not to care that much. So it must be you, who choose to stay inside because of embarrassment and shame. Must it be you and your introversion right? Well…NO.
Many bloggers and sites write about acne and how normal it is because so many people have it. I’ve seen pictures, posts studies everything and now even Barbie kids dolls with acne came to the market like acne is a normal thing to have and you have to get familiarized with it. Damn! Millions of people suffer from acne, but that doesn’t justify it as a natural state of being.
Accept It and Move On
Some people, confused by the media, don’t admit that acne is a serious health problem and try to live their lives like acne is something normal, they apply creams and stuff and if it gets worse enough they might pay a visit to a dermatologist. However, it is not normal.
Of course, these people end up with all sorts of strange ideas and become miserable. Why? Because they have to justify somehow why people keep rejecting them. Let’s not be these people and let’s see and accept what acne really is and what causes to our social life. If we can do that we can then move forward and take action to remove it without feeling emotional harassment and pain at each step.
What is Acne?
Acne and pimples are formed when the production of sebum gets clogged in your pores. When this happens, depending on your luck, diet, and environment you may get blackheads or white heads. We won’t concentrate on the causes of clogged pores, but keep in mind that this usually happens when our bodies over-produce sebum and most of the time inflammation is a part of the process too.
Our Genes Are Good
Pimples and acne are not something any human being is designed to have. Copy this on a paper and put it in your mirror, understand that acne is not some kind of genetic disorder, it is an abuse of your own system by the current environment you live in.
It is no chance that all the tribes of hunter-gatherers that exist today don’t have any single sign of a pimple, not even one! It also no luck that the tribes that recently have been introduced to modern western civilization have slowly started to develop acne even though no one had acne in their ancestors, it was something totally new to them. This means that it isn’t the genes that cause acne, but environmental changes for which their (and our) genes are not ready for.
The Mirror of Your Health
Acne sends a non-stop signal to all the humans around. That you are sick! That’s right. You see when someone is ill, or for some reason, he has hormonal imbalances and/or a poor immune system then what usually happens is that his condition is reflected on his skin. Skin is an organ like everything else and to work properly, the whole machine must be working properly. You can literally say that skin is a mirror of the inner body. Never forget that.
When the Brain Makes New Friends
Now let’s have a look at our brains a little bit. It is now common sense in the scientific community that our conscious perception cannot understand or has access to every process that goes on in our head. We only perceive a small fraction of what is going on in our brain (That doesn’t mean that we only use only the 10% of our brain of course!).
EXAMPLES: WHEN YOUR HEART BEATS, WHEN YOU DIGEST YOUR FOOD, WHEN YOU FEEL AN EMOTION, WHEN YOU DREAM, OR EVEN WHEN YOU USE YOUR VISION OR ANY OTHER OF YOUR SENSES. IN ALL OF THESE PROCESSES WE FEEL SOMETHING GOING ON, BUT WE DON’T HAVE FULL CONTROL OVER IT, WHEN WE SEE THINGS WE DON’T HAVE LOGICAL CONTROL OVER IT, WE DON’T GET TO DECIDE WHICH COLOURS WE SEE AND WHICH NOT, OR TO MAKE THE GREEN SEEM RED AND THE BLUE WHITE. THESE THINGS GET DONE WITHOUT OUR PERMISSION AND INTERFERENCE.
Except in rare cases of people who have trained themselves to have some sort of control over their heart rate or have been under hypnosis, we are unaware of what is really going on. What happens is that our brain processes all the huge amounts of information going in and sends to the consciousness ONLY what needs to be sent.
Our Subconscious in Charge
Same thing goes on with our relationships. When you meet someone you don’t make calculations or solve equations to decide if you like him/her or not. As a matter of fact, it is not uncommon for people to like or even fall in love with people that they rationally know that they are not good for them!
Why do they do it? It is because parts of their brain which they don’t control or have access to decided that it’s best for them and for their genes. These parts of the brain which we have limited access to, are responsible for social, sexual choices, urges emotions and many of our behaviors.
Furthermore, there are generic patterns which all the human brains out there follow. Scientists have studied them and they found that especially when choosing to like a friend or not and when choosing a mate we follow specific guidelines and rules. These guidelines are calculated for you and me by our brain in a just a few spare seconds of meeting a person.
Most of the time in a matter of minutes your brain has all the data it needs to conclude if someone is a good mate or a good friend for you. At this stage, your conscious mind maybe has no clue what’s going on, because consciously you only have exchanged a few words, best case scenario you might have learned that he or she has a smaller brother and works in the X firm.
Our Subconscious Hates Acne
So, what all these facts have to do with acne? When human brains see an individual with a bad skin condition they immediately conclude that “this person must be sick”. And guess what? Our brains are hardwired not to like very much sick people, no matter if we choose friends or mates.
Sick people back in the jungle were potentially dangerous for our health, they were weak, they could defend neither themselves nor others and they couldn’t bring food back home. Worse they could make others sick. Sickness was associated with death because back then no antibiotics and no doctors existed. Catching a cold in those days was a serious problem and could lead to disability and death.
What’s interesting is that evolution takes many-many generations to adapt to new environments and biologically speaking we are the same with the hunter-gatherers who lived 20.000 years ago. Our brains haven’t evolved much since then, we might consciously know that acne is not lethal and seasonal flu quite common but our brain still dislikes sick people.
How Acne Stops You From Getting Your Dream Partner
Let’s dig a little deeper now and move on how acne interferes with your sexual life and prevents you from finding a good girl, or how it degrades an already established relationship.
Achieving Natural Beauty
I don’t mean of course to let all of your hair grow. Natural beauty is about looking as good as possible in your own skin, without any additions. It’s about being in shape and your body looking good no matter how old are you and about accepting your biological aging process (or hacking it the right way).
There are many steps you have to take before you reach a point of Natural Beauty, a place that makeup will be the exception and not the rule. Natural beauty is about reaching your full potential. By the way, I want to make this clear to you, Natural Beauty is hard to achieve but something every man on this planet should have, before starting to use “tricks”.
If you don’t have it now, because of acne or whatever reason don’t worry, it takes time but day by day you can do it. There are plenty of men out there who live this way and guess what, our cavemen ancestors had natural vibrant skin.
How can you do that? by doing all these things we talk about here and on other blogs, by living as healthy as possible. Health reflects on your skin, remember? If you want a quick hack, you can start drinking Vegetable Only Smoothies and eat Fruits every day. Then wait for six weeks and results should show up. Carotenoid pigmentation is considered as more attractive than tanning and is perceived by people as a very strong health cue. 😉
To take this one step further I have a message for all the men out there who have sensitive skin and struggle with acne and other skin conditions.
By the time you reach a state of Natural Beauty, your attraction will go way up. This is because these extremely good health levels we talked earlier, show up better on your sensitive skin and women see that. And they like it. They like you.
Gentlemen: Why not Increase your reach?
Introductory Slides: Female Mating Preferences
Fortunately, you are luckier than girls and have less trouble. Mostly because women in contrast to men also admire character qualities very much in potential mates.
Nevertheless, acne is going to have a negative impact on all first impressions you’ll have. Some people will reject you just before they have a chance to meet you. Acne conveys many negative things about men that affect first interactions a lot.
- Conveys Lack of Health – Illness
- Conveys Weakness – Because of Illness – ( physical weakness is a no-no for man)
- Conveys Poor Immune Function
- Conveys Potentially Bad Genes
- Triggers Disgust (Relationships Killer)
All of the five points above are hits under the belt when it comes to mating and can significantly reduce your chances to mate and the quality of the females you mate with.
Unfortunately, short term mating might not be your hit if you suffer from acne. Status and character qualities are an important bonus factor if you have them. But physical strength, symmetry, and health are some of the strong points that help in the short term mating game.
If you suffer from acne, you lose your most important ally, which is your health. For those in their early twenties, their health is their competitive advantage and their main weapon when it comes to mating. Acne, very effectively, eliminates this weapon and hence many young men often stand powerless in the social arena.
You know, it doesn’t have to be the case.. Following my guidelines here you can get better and better until you return to your optimal health levels.
Long Term Mating
Long Term mating is kinda easier if you possess strong character qualities, temperament, and status. As you’ve seen in the slides status can offset unattractiveness. When it comes to long-term partners this is very true. I don’t know of any woman who picks a long term partner just because he looks handsome. So if you have a personality to show, you have nothing to fear. If not, then this is your perfect moment to cultivate it.
No matter what, remember that acne is going to leave a bad first impression every time (Unless you are the SUPER COOL guy) and also keep in mind that acne = bad health and bad health = problems later in life.
The good news is that by the time you manage to control your acne, you will have great insights on what keeps you fit and healthy. This is a great asset to have in your life; it will help you in many domains and increase your overall well-being. You will be able to stay healthier and younger, keeping your biological age low as your status goes high.
Until you get in shape again without acne, don’t focus so much on short-term mating if it doesn’t work for you. Put your energy on something that won’t be negatively affected by acne. Something that it will make you a better man, things like reading of non-fictional science books, exercising, learning new skills, etc..
Are things that bad?
Yes, unfortunately. Most of the men experience these problems every day. The faster you return to your optimal health levels the better for your skin. Online and Offline communities can offer great support to your journey because sometimes it can be longer than what you are prepared for. If you know other men with acne, organize a local acne combat community and do gatherings at least once a week. This can be extremely beneficial for your psychology and self-esteem. Also, you can register an account here and find other men in our forums. 😉
If you have any thoughts on the topic share them with us in the comments bellow.
- The Evolution Of Desire– Book – (David M. Buss)
- Acne Vulgaris: a disease of Western civilization (Cordain L, Lindeberg S, Hurtado M, Hill K, Eaton SB, Brand-Miller J)
- Attractive skin coloration: Harnessing sexual selection to improve health (Ross D. Whitehead, Gözde Ozakinci, David I. Perrett)
- ‘Nobody likes damaged goods’: The experience of adult visible acne (Craig D. Murray, Katharine Rhodes)