A man from the Neolithic Age was found in a glacier near the Italian-Austria border. His age was believed to be 5.300 years. Of course, we mean his remaining skeleton age, not his real age (living 5.300 years would be awesome!).
The interesting about this hunter gatherer guy is that his hair cut was slick and cut in a very precise style. So we believe that men of that time and the time before had some kind of hair style propaganda. But the real question for us bald bold-apes remains. Did all cavemen had the opportunity to style their hair or for some, it was just the “shiny scalp style”?
Table of contents
- How Was The Typical Caveman
- Bald Caveman?
- The End
How Was The Typical Caveman
The last 100 years, over 300 Cavemen remains have been found from Europe to the Middle East. These guys lived between 5.000 to 50.000 years ago.
He is the first caveman to consider. He was thousands of years older than any other homo species, as scientists suggest. His height was around 6 foot. They didn’t weigh as much (150-165 lbs) and with a smaller brain, these guys were the first sexy species of men that walked this Earth. They had sophisticated tools to scavenge animals and destroy shells and nuts (coconuts). Pretty neat technology for their time which is 1.000.000 – 800.000 years ago. They lived in rock formations like caves! They also probably get frequent erections and had an amazing sex life of about 16 hours per day. Just kidding, but the next primal mate maybe did a lot of power sex.
We share a 20-25 percent gene pool. They were 5.5 foot tall, 175 lbs weight and with big brains. Their brain is considered to be even bigger than mine and yours. They were stronger than Homo Erectus and with more cool weapons, like spears! In contrast with Erectus boys, these mates did hunt animals directly, and their diet was carnivore-like. They ate their veggies too, so do not skip those (excuses are for chimpanzees, not for you!).
They could not miss the party. They were walking champions of Europe at the same time as Neanderthals did. The only difference was that they won the evolution race. They were very good gatherers and hunters, smart to the bone. Scientists claim that homo sapiens evolved more than his “cousin” Neanderthal because he ate more fish. Fish contains Omega-3 so their brain got better and their decisions were sharp.
They Were Strong
These men were really into Paleo Diet and Fitness, even before Loren Cordain and Robb Wolf came around. Maybe the wolf was there at the time, but Nearthendals and Sapiens were not afraid of wolves so much. They were strong, physically and smart. They could build nice tools and weapons like spears so that they could hunt animals. Rest assured that the job required physical labor and not coding skills. They were out in the wild, facing harsh environment every day and evolving with it.
Those guys are your grand-grand-gr….-grandpas! Of course, there are others too, but these are the most known tough guys of their time! Your sexy DNA has got some of their material. Eyes forward, walking on 2 feet, eating the Paleo diet (just joking here, eat whatever you wish… for now), smiling and grooming abilities first-class.
“Wait! Did you say grooming?! What about their hair! Did I inherit their hair genes, because I am definitely losing my hair here!”
We do not know everything about Homo Sapiens and Neanderthal men. Research is still under way for their habits and physical attributes.
Chimpanzees and apes are full of hair. From the bottom up to their head, they are filled with thick black hair. So it’s pretty easy to understand that our first ancestors had a body full of hair.
But scientists can make some suggestions and theories on cavemen hair.
As the human evolution progressed, humanoids lost all this thick hairline on their bodies and became the naked ape. Most of the body hair was gone, and just a small piece of it remained. Especially us, men, had the same as today: legs, chest and maybe back where hairy. Our skin was exposed and at some evolutionary timeline standpoint, we thought to create our first clothing lines. Not Diesel and Tommy Hilfiger, but simple woolen shorts to cover our sensitive parts and to warm our hearts (I should be a poet).
So, if the most hair was “abandoned” from evolution, why these guys were left with hair on their scalp? Most importantly: Did all of them had this “privilege” and why? Let’s try to answer this revolutionary question with different possible scenarios. Was there even one bald caveman?
Caveman Scalp Hairy For Sexual Reasons?
Based on the evidence, the male human body is primed for sexual interactions in the ages 14 – 30 years old. Mind you, we said priming. Meaning that in this timeframe, all things equal, we have the best possible hormone infrastructure to make kids with females. That doesn’t exclude the so obvious probability to do kids after 40 (welcome to the 21st century), but nature did as it should be. Most primates and humans are not originally designed to live long after 30 years old.
Life expectancy 5.000 years ago was 40 years old, so you can imagine going deeper to the past. It’s possible that being 28 in 10.000 bc was celebrated as if you won the world championship. the wise man of the tribe that survived and can now tell stories around the fire. Wild predator attacks, inter-tribal fights, and widespread diseases were common causes of death. There are some possible explanations why being bald has evolved as a sexual trait along our DNA “ride”.
When people age most of them lose their hair. If the society of cavemen was similar to us (regarding social norms), then bald men would not be considered as spontaneous and dangerous. They would be perceived as non-threaten to young males, but as old and wise. There are similar signs in gorillas. When they age they have a more gray area of hair and some hair falls out. Their society perceives these individuals as high status because they managed to survive till now. A wise man that survives a long time, is a better choice to be a husband than a spontaneous hairy young guy that is irresponsible. The perfect partner for a female bearing children!
Caveman’s hair is important for his looks, as we already discussed with our 5.000 years old buddy from Alpes Mountains. But let’s be honest. It’s not even close to our top sex attributes as gender. Women then (and now) liked athletic guys that have good hunter-genes and wise high-status men that can look after them. Did I mention anywhere any “hair” or “baldness”? I don’t think so because evolution has specific plans for you. If Statham was a caveman, I’ll bet you he would be a classic super hunter and girls would love him. Even if he would be just smart and said stories around the fire, like almighty Jeff Bezos, girls would love him. It’s all about physical power and influence. So evolutionary, hair on man’s scalp seems a costly endeavor to sustain. For contrast, just think the last time you saw this beautiful girl that you now are thinking of. I can guess you think her ass, breasts, and hair. Am I right?
So baldness may have occurred in hunter-gatherer societies as means to prove wisdom and social maturity. Most probably only elders had this trait.
There are signs though that primitive man does not show any kind of baldness whatsoever. These tribal men are not affected by modern society influence. The important thing to understand though is that they live in specific climates, which could make this argument non-viable for all men on Earth.
Caveman Got His Daily Vitamin D, Did You?
This argument excites me the most. It’s pretty simple actually so, pay attention. Humans get most of their daily Vitamin D from the sun. We need this pre-hormone so that we can produce other hormones and function properly (melatonin for sleep is one of them). So we ‘ve got two possible explanations on how Vitamin D malnutrition led to hair loss:
Cavemen were mostly out in the sun, walking and running. All day, winter and summer. So, they got plenty of x-rays to produce enough Vitamin D. Their “clothing line” was not covering up most of their skin and so they got their dose either way. Modern men are wearing clothes most of the time and they are staying home under no sun days and weeks. They are coding, playing video games, depressing and other weird unnatural behaviors.
Some cousins of homo sapiens traveled north after mama Africa. That meant a more cold environment with less sun. So there is this smart organism that tries to survive in this new continent but needs Vitamin D to do so. Mother nature thinks: “How can I maximize his skin absorption of x-rays? Eureka! Let’s get rid of his top hair so that he can absorb even some small amount necessary for his life!”
Got it macho-boy?
Of your grandpa. And his grandpa too. Of course, there are guys like Michael Jordan that went bald. He is from the African homo-sapiens “cousin”, so isn’t that weird to lose his hair? Baldness is a multifactor disease and not so easy to control with just one parameter. The next point is “killing” your hair and cavemen avoid it.
Inflammation and Calories Are Not Caveman Friendly
Cavemen ate food that was biodynamic. Not even organic. Organic food for them would be perceived the same as Mc’ Donalds is for the modern man. A crap.
Of course, we now know that bad nutrition leads to inflammation through our body. It also enhances the hair loss process. Hair follicles lose their supply from our bodies as the arteries and capillaries get clogged. Slowly but steady, these nutrition highways get destroyed from inflammation. Inflammation leads eventually to hair loss.
Overeating is also the main reason of metabolic disease now. The last 50 years, people can eat much more food than they could in the past. Our food supply got bigger and better. Our foods also became packed in fructose and glucose. But does this relate to cavemen?
Obesity is one of the main reasons why we get cardiovascular disease and cancer. It disrupts our optimal hormone balance and fortifies inflammation around the body. Cavemen did not get fat easily. Most probably they ate as many fruits as possible in the spring and summer time, to put on some weight for the winter time, where food was scarce. That was not enough to cause inflammation and hair loss.
What some scientists believe basically is that hair loss is one of the diseases of civilization and agriculture. There are theories suggesting that:
There is a lot of discussions there on how bad gluten is for our hair. For example, ancient Egyptians, Greeks, and Romans, three of the biggest civilizations of all time had balding men in their reigns. Socrates and Ceasar are great examples. Ancient Greeks and Romans ate grains but they also ate Paleo diet. They hunted too, and they gathered fruits and vegetables.
So the question here is, where grains enough to make inflammation worse and cause hair loss? We don’t know for sure, but it’s highly possible.
Did Caveman Shower His Hair?
Cavemen, in general, did not shower their hair every day, or every next day. The only case that this could happen, is if those populations were near water. That case makes sense because water is needed for survival, so most animals (including us) are staying near a water supply.
So, let’s get the scenario were cavemen where living mostly near a water supply all year round. In the winter, it’s almost impossible to think that any cavemen would like a cold shower. They were tough, not idiots.
So, can be this bath enough to cause a bad environment for their scalps and lead to hair loss?
That’s also difficult to say. At that time, 100.000 – 50.000 bc around, men had clear water. So clear that we modern men cannot grasp. They did not come in touch with fluoride and chlorine as we do now when we shower. Additionally, they did not use shampoo with weird chemical structures. They did not have to use it. Why? Because they did not have cars and factories spilling dangerous chemicals all over the place. Their atmosphere was clean and nasty-chemical free.
That’s another reason why hair loss (especially in young men) seems to be a rare disease in cavemen time. Bald caveman? Difficult case.
Hair On Caveman’s Scalp Kept His Brain At The Right Temperature
This is a theory that stands out from the rest.
When human first came around (before Homo Erectus), he walked on two legs and two hands. He was an ape basically. So his back was always under the sun. His body was covered with thick hair also.
After hundreds of thousands evolutionary years, man developed a habit to walk on two legs only. So he stood up. His angle to the sun was completely different. His back had much less exposure to the sun, but his scalp, especially on the upper side got much higher exposure to the sun. Especially that midday sun that burns!
As these evolutionary traits were complete, caveman’s body hair disappeared but his hair on his scalp did not. It didn’t serve us to have a bald scalp when the sun is hot. That’s why caveman evolved to have sweat glands, something that other mammals and primates do not have. Sweat glands gave us the ability to cool off (with sweat) even when walking under the hot sun. Sweat glands did not coexist well with thick hair so hair had to go from our bodies. Our head though developed sweat glands too.
It seems that evolution needed the hair so badly so that we get the maximum protection of heat, burn and cold insulation for our precious brain. That’s why young bald caveman was a non-existing species. Young cavemen had probably a lot of hair on their scalp unless their scalp was injured or something like that.
The best possible example can be found in rural Australia. Old Aboriginal men that still live a hunter-gatherer lifestyle, have zero percent baldness. Guess what rural Australia has plenty of. Sun and heat! I end with that statement and you can make your own assumptions now.
As it seems sun and vitamin D was the most important factor for cavemen hair. The ate less and better, so their hair had better nurturing. Furthermore, their hair didn’t come in touch with nasty chemicals from car fumes and shampoos. The only reason for cavemen to be balding seems to be so that old and wise man where clearly distinguished in cavemen society. That way they would get respect from the community for their authority and non-threatening dominance as the wise men of the tribe.
So maybe being bald signs to women and men that you ‘re a bald caveman because you have a lot of dominance, authority and wisdom. Not a bad deal at all!